How mediation works

Mediation provides a safe, confidential, and structured environment where you can talk through disagreements.

Our goal is to help you communicate effectively, focus on your children's needs, and create a lasting parenting plan together.

Family mediation

  • About your mediation

    The mediator starts the process by meeting separately with all parties involved – parents, caregivers or others who have a direct interest in the child. 

    Then they design a mediation process that takes into account the family’s unique needs and cultural requirements.

  • Talk to us about your needs

    We have a Tumeke Whānau Whanui mediation approach, based on Māori values.

    You can read a case study about this approach.

The mediation journey: Two key stages

  • Your mediation will typically happen in two stages, guided by your accredited family mediator.

  • Stage 1: Private one-on-one meetings

    First, you will each meet privately with your mediator. This confidential meeting (held by phone, online, or in person) is your opportunity to:

    • Discuss your situation and what you hope to achieve.

    • Ask any questions you have about the process.

    • Prepare for the joint session.

  • Stage 2: The joint mediation session

    This is where everyone comes together with the mediator. 

    The joint session is focused on constructive conversation, guided by your mediator, to help you reach decisions about your parenting arrangements.

    If a Child Practitioner met with your tamariki, they may join the start of this session to share feedback on your child's perspective.

The role of your mediator

  • Your mediator is an impartial guide. They are there to support the conversation, not to take sides or make decisions for you.

  • What your mediators DOES

    What your mediator DOES NOT do

    ✔  Guide the conversation and keep it focused

    X  Make decisions for you or your whānau

    ✔  Help you explore options and test ideas

    X  Give legal advice or personal opinions

    ✔  Ensure the needs of your children are central

    X  Try to get you back together

    ✔  Help you create a detailed parenting plan

    X  Judge who is right or wrong

Creating your parenting plan

  • The main outcome of mediation is a detailed parenting plan that you have all agreed on. 

    Your mediator will help you draft the plan, which often includes details about:

    • Care arrangements: How much time the tamariki will spend with each of you

    • Contact: How you will communicate during handovers or when the children are with the other parent

    • Special occasions: Plans for birthdays, holidays like Christmas, Mother's Day, and Father's Day

    • Schooling: Agreements on school attendance and related matters

    • Health and wellbeing: How health matters and cultural or religious needs will be handled.


    This is your agreement. You can keep it private or apply to have it made into a formal Court Order.

  • Getting legal advice

    You can get legal advice at any point in the process. Understanding your legal rights can be very helpful, especially before signing an agreement. You may be eligible for the free Family Legal Advice Service (FLAS). To learn more, visit the Ministry of Justice website or call 0800 2 Agree

    If you need a lawyer, we can also provide a referral to Portia

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