FDR mediation request

Information for people who are invited to family mediation.

I've been invited to mediate. What does this mean?

It means the person who invited you wants to talk to you about the care arrangements for your tamariki - children.

You might be surprised or worried about this request. Often we get asked ‘does this mean I’m in trouble?’ and the answer is no. Family Dispute Resolution (also referred to as ‘FDR’ for short) is simply a mediation service.

What is FDR?

FDR is a free service that helps people agree on how they will care for their children together with the assistance of a qualified mediator. It’s funded by the Ministry of Justice, but it is very unlike Family Court. It’s a chance for you to talk about your kids and their care. We don’t take sides. Instead, the aim is for you to make a plan together for the future, saving you a lot of time, money and stress.

As part of the process a mediator will work with you both to communicate, with the goal to come to an agreement on care arrangements that benefit you and your children. You can both talk about and agree on matters that are important to the care of your children, for example:

• Living and care arrangements.
• Changeovers and contact arrangements.
• Shared decisions like: values, co-parenting, school and education, holidays and travel.
• Important decisions like: name, religion, culture, medical or health decisions.

What do you need to do?

First, you should think about this opportunity and whether you would like to take part. If the answer is yes, you can use the personalised link in your email from us to get started.

If you are not sure yet, you can take some time to weigh it up but not too long. We will be asking you to decide by a certain date. This timeframe is there because your children have a right to have decisions made about them in a timely way.

Another good tip is to get legal advice early. Although FDR is not court, and there is no judge (or any person) making a decision for you, we still broadly recommend you get legal advice relevant to your situation which may help you decide how you participate.

If you have not already sought legal advice, or are planning on it, we strongly suggest you start that process now. If you are seeking to access Family Legal Advice Service it can take time to apply, be approved and then book in to see a lawyer. Starting this process sooner rather than later will prevent any unnecessary delay for timely decisions to be made about your children.

The importance of participating

Despite what many think, FDR and mediation is always optional, however it’s important that you understand that there can be consequences for you if you choose not to participate.

Attempting mediation can only be a good thing for your ongoing co-parenting relationship. If you’re struggling with communication this can help bridge the gap or if you already have a cordial co-parenting relationship it can help you agree on things that may have changed, or that have not yet been addressed.

Participating in mediation also has a lot of upsides and limited legal downsides. For example:

• No one is making decisions for you. The mediator is not a judge and they don’t take anyone’s side. They’re there to help you both communicate clearly and calmly.
• The mediator helps you both stay focused on what matters most going forward, so that your children benefit from timely decisions being made and you both don’t miss out on caring for them. They are not there to counsel or rehash past issues.
• It’s a lot faster and less stressful than court. Quicker decisions ultimately benefit everyone. It can be a hard time, but overall mediation can reduce unnecessary stress and anxiety for everyone, especially your children.
• If you do come to an agreement, even on some things – that does benefit you, as it’s something you do not need to spend time and money on at the family court to address. From the thousands of mediations we’ve assisted with over the years, on average 80% come to some agreement, so odds are in your favour.
• Whatever you discuss in mediation stays confidential. Nothing in mediation is shared, nor can it be recorded and used in court proceedings (with the exception of serious risk to any other person, in which case the mediator will contact authorities).
• If you decide without a good reason to not participate, the Family Court may direct you back to try again before they accept the case in court. However, by then you will have waited several months and paid court fees to then start over.
   

How to start

If you are invited to participate in FDR, you will have received an email from us letting you know who has invited you and this email contains a link to start the process.

You can begin the process even while you seek legal advice, as mediation does not start instantly as there are some steps to complete and pre-work before the mediation gets underway. You can complete your application and still have time to speak with a lawyer (if you wish). By not delaying, you can streamline the process, saving you time in the future.

If you decide that you don’t want to participate or wish to withdraw from FDR, you can notify us and we will close the case. We may, in line with relevant legislation, provide the person who invited you an exemption to mediation which they can provide to the Family Court.


 

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